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Not many people realise that a parent’s self-esteem will usually be transferred to their children. Yet studies reveal that there is a strong correlation between a parent’s self-esteem and self-esteem among the children. The outlook of an adult is often reflected in the outlook of their children, especially when it comes to how they value themselves. Parents with low esteem are likely to unintentionally encourage their children to have low self-esteem as well.

This sort of thing will have a major effect on the lives of their children and they could easily grow up to be timid or shy, perhaps even reclusive or certainly less sociable than other children.

Children with low self-esteem could grow up detached from society, because they will have had low confidence during the early years of their life, which will probably affect their relationships, careers and even their motivation to succeed.

For these reasons, parents should be aware of the things that they transfer to – or teach to – their children, often unintentionally. The copying of adult behaviour is extremely important to children while they are growing up because that is how they learn social behaviour. What they see in adults, they will also see in themselves. High self-esteem is just as important in children as it is in adults, since it helps them to make sound decisions and fair judgements in the face of peer pressure, in the same way that adults have to cope in the face of adversity.

Children with high self-esteem are proud to be themselves and revel in the things in which they excel, whether it is a particular skill or a special talent.

High self-worth or self-esteem is what causes children to gain acceptance among their friends. Those with low self-worth or self-esteem tend to be reclusive and don’t make friends so easily. It is these children who are most likely to be bullied at school because they are easy targets. High self-esteem brings with it high self-respect and this is just as true in children as it is in adults.

New-born babies already have high self-esteem, but they can do little until they have learned to speak and to control their bodies. As demands are made of them by their parents and siblings, they will often be criticised or punished for ‘bad’ behaviour and gradually they begin to learn that their job in life is to please others. As they grow older, the criticism and punishment continues and so instead of learning how to use the trials of life to improve and grow, they start to believe that if they did not get it right the first time, they have ‘failed’. We can never please everyone, and yet every time we think that we have displeased someone, we think we have failed in our duty to please others and our self-esteem takes a knock. Gradually our self-esteem becomes eroded and we start to think that we have low value because others do not seem to value us.

This is not to say that we are never praised, of course we are, and those event will normally improve our self-esteem, yet the knocks and problems of life will tend to negate that and slowly bring us down from where we were. The desire for high self-esteem becomes a need for approval from other people and yet the ups and downs of day-to-day life and circumstances, coping with adversities, social pressure or individual inner battles will often appear to show that we do not have that approval.

As children get older, society gives them bigger responsibility and that requires more and more feelings of confidence and self-value to carry out those tasks. Our feelings of success or failure depend upon and are influenced by the way we perceive role examples – especially our parents.

One of the best indicators of how much someone esteems or values themselves is to consider their sense of humour, since it shows their level of confidence and self-acceptance, as does the way they hold themselves while in public or among peers in a social group.

Feelings of self-worth will motivate us to achieve more, not only because we crave for attention or acceptance, but also because they want to feel good about themselves. If you have high self-esteem, you tend to see things in a positive light and you are much more likely to succeed and aspire to do the right thing.

Hence, parents should always attempt to ensure that their children know that they have value, because that self-value is what shapes them for the future.