Posts tagged Personal
How to Support Others and Stay Sane
Dec 18th
Many of my friends and clients who serve others for a living spend a lot of time solving problems. Clients or employees come to you for solutions to a myriad of problems both personal and professional. It can take a lot of energy to come up with solutions all day long particularly if the problems aren’t ones you have the answers to. Often you may find yourself overwhelmed with work and missing some important times at home.
When you are overwhelmed have you thought about finding another job, going to live on a tropical island or letting go of something else you love in order to have time for your family, friends and self-care?
Although the tropical island sounds very appealing these strategies aren’t necessarily long term solutions because you may end up in a similar situation all over again.
Thank goodness there are some other options to support you! What I’ve found to be true is I don’t need to be all knowing nor do I need to search for all the answers for someone coming to me for help.
What you do need to do is build trust, be empathic and connect people to resources.
Let’s look at how you are offering support now. Do you find yourself taking on the problems that are brought to you? Do you try and solve things that aren’t in your area of expertise? Do you think you need to have or find all the answers?
If you answered yes to any of those questions here are some options to mull over.
Your role could be to connect the employee or client to the resources they need to solve their problem. You may be the resource sometimes but my guess is often you may not be. You are the connector.
To connect the person and their problem to a solution or next step you need to hone your listening skills. As you listen to the story you support them to get clarity about exactly what it is they need. Once you clarify the need the strategies will begin to come clear.
The first strategy is to direct them back to themselves. Asking them “What do you think a next step would be?” Often you will find when people are listened to and supported to gain clarity they know their own next step. Guide them back to themselves and empower them to step into what they already know.
If they can’t think of a next step offer to brainstorm with them. Begin putting forward some ideas and they will join you. In a short period of time they can leave your office with some options to explore.
If neither of you can think of any specific strategies take time to consider what other resources could support them. Is there someone you know that is an expert in this area? Are there books, online resources, or a class that might offer them new tools? More than likely they will have a next step planned after considering these questions.
When you take on others problems or believe you have to have all the answers you wear yourself out. There are lots of challenges in the world. Honing your listening skills and supporting others to feel empowered to help themselves can actually feel energizing.
Consider exploring these options and let me know how it goes. I would love to hear from you. Your questions, feedback or comments are welcome!
If you think this article may support someone you know please feel free to forward this to them.
Self Esteem, Friends and Recognizing Your Magnificence
Nov 22nd
As parents and people of all ages, it is worth remembering that the people in our lives influence our thinking, our behavior and our self talk. In my training for NLP life coaching, our instructor said that she no longer has in her circle of friends “people who do not celebrate my magnificence”. At first, that may sound arrogant or haughty, but as I thought about it and still do, I understand it more and more. I have even learned to speak it and have taught this to my students from the perspective that the people we entertain in our lives do, in fact, shape many of our choices and our self esteem.
The truth is we all have magnificence within us, but we seldom recognize it for the very reasons above. We worry about appearing high and mighty. Try saying it out loud. “I cannot afford to bring close to me people who do not appreciate my magnificence.” I’ve found that after initial embarrassment, my pride swells a bit when I can say to myself that – “yes, I truly am magnificent in many ways” – although certainly not without fault. Magnificence is not to be confused with perfection. The world is quick to tear us down. Criticism is easy to come by. Those allowed to be closest to us must be those who see our good, our gifts, our strengths; our personal magnificence.
Sometimes it becomes clear that we have those in our lives who do not appreciate all that we are and all that we can offer. We are responsible for our own happiness and in that pursuit we may have to purge from our lives the things and/or people that do not support that quest. Life is simply too short and too difficult to allow negativity to permeate our souls. Many things are not choices – who we permit to influence our lives is a choice, and sometimes not an easy one.
There are friends and partners who are meant for a lifetime as well as those who are just meant for a phase or a lesson, but ultimately the ones who are the best for our well-being are those who believe in our magnificence. And truly, why would they even want to be in our circle of friends if they don’t?
Believe it – know it from your core. When you believe, others will too. It may take some adjustment, some giggles, even a little embarrassment to say it, but when you do, your magnificence will radiate in you and around you. It is not smugness; it is your new confidence affirmation!
“People in my close circle of friends, who influence my life, simply must celebrate my magnificence.”
