Posts tagged Niceness
Excruciatingly NICE Or Tenderly KIND?
Sep 21st
You’re nice and that’s great! Are you kind though? There is a subtle yet immense difference between being nice and being a kind person.
So what’s the difference between the two? Let’s distinguish between being nice vs. being kind for some clarity.
Fact 1 – ‘Being nice’ is a necessary social skill and we find ourselves applying this at least once, if not more often, a day. Making the right sounds, doing the appropriate head nods, smiling the easy smiles or helping out occasionally. It is a skill that can be taught but also comes with an expiration moment. Niceness serves it purpose nicely (!) when kept short and sweet with the option of saying a “bye-bye” when the mood departs!
Kindness on the other hand is a natural trait. You either have it in you or not. In other words you are born with the genes of a ‘kind person’. Kindness is instinctual (sometimes translating to action by example) and personality oriented too. However, as we mature, the learning of life’s lessons and with the introduction of compassion, consideration, sensitivity, humility and understanding in our inherent personalities, we can turn ourselves around to becoming kind even if we weren’t born with it! People being different, some are more moved by another’s plight or even need, than others. Some may be moved but less motivated than others to help out in the situation. Whatever, be the case, kindness manifests itself in many individualistic ways.
Fact 2 – Being excruciatingly nice is a sign of weakness, which begs for acknowledgment and acceptance and it fosters only “yes” in the vocabulary. “Yes” is said even while thinking “no”, just to appear more likeable. It thrives on social popularity, yet its silent scream is heard LOUD AND CLEAR…”I am lonely.” One can be a nice person, without having to do anything – a fact that’s lost on these people and they persevere on trying to be agreeable. Sooner or later, the saccharine sweetness becomes unpalatable and once more the person is alone, wondering where they went wrong, in spite of being nice?
Kindness, comparatively, is a genuine emotion prompted by empathy, compassion, understanding and concern. It is part and parcel of being a nice person. Kindness must not be mistaken for weakness, for it involves an independence of thought which evaluates people and situations and says “no” where it must and ‘yes’ where it should. By definition it is “thoughtfulness” and thereby does what it can to make others feel needed and happy, within reason.
Fact 3 – Often the facade of niceness conceals an alternate agenda which is self serving. Kindness in a contrast is wrapped in selflessness and has no hidden motives. It is a gentle force that follows the inclination to alleviate distress. Since it has no boundaries and operates on generosity alone, unfortunately (in a world of give and take) kindness can also be misunderstood. But kindness is a flow, misunderstood or not. It goes on being driven by its core qualities of respect and sensitivity for every situation. It is possible for nice people to be unpalatable, but it’s extremely difficult not to like kind people and that’s because their genuineness is FELT by whoever they touch.
Unlike ‘being nice’, kindness is not passive…it does not follow blindly where others may lead. Kindness goes where it’s needed whether or not someone has gone there before.
Fact 4 – People who are the ‘being nice’ sorts define “nice” as someone whom everyone likes. Kind people are so because they are inspired to be so and if they are liked for it, it doesn’t compel them to be kinder still (and they will continue to be kind whether or not they are liked).
You don’t have to conform to society’s definition of ‘nice’ to work your kindness in this world! Be you and be led by the kindness in your heart. KINDNESS is content to STAND ALONE.
Being nice is pass?. Being kind is the new nice!
http://www.thebutterflybooks.com
How to Reduce Work Related Stress As a Working Mum
Aug 18th
Working mums are aware of the importance of having a career besides that of a domestic goddess. Putting income aside, a career gives a woman a purpose, sense of identity and zeal that are separate from what our wifely and motherly roles provide. The downside is that working mums often suffer from “second-shift” work or the exhaustion and possibility of overextending oneself. Stress can be good sometimes because it motivates a person to do better but overexertion can be risky as it can leave a woman overwhelmed or put her on the verge of insanity. Are there ways to diminish stress and escape burnout? Professional coaching can provide assistance in taking guilt away and busting burnout. In the meantime, make use of the following tips to let go of stress and lighten up your mood.
Practice good task management. Prioritise, delegate, and break down into manageable bits. Repeat as needed. These three keys to work-related stress relief will help reduce your workload and tame what may seem like the impossible. Set no more than two to three priorities per day and before punching out, revise accordingly. Sticking to a few will keep you focused and confident—yet, be careful of becoming overly confident! No matter how much we want to maintain a superwoman image, sometimes we simply can’t do it all ourselves. If your tasks has accumulated, it’s time to designate. Hand over some of your workload and excel in the projects that matter. And, if large projects still inspire trepidation, break them down into bite-sized chunks. Not only does this cut the fear factor, but dividing tasks leaves you feeling you’ve accomplished more and in less time.
Be nice. Don’t be a pushover. In striving to make a good impression at the office, we often want to come across as nice. But beware! The way we choose to define “nice” may get us the exact opposite of what we had desired. One of the traps many working mums fall into is the red zone of extreme niceness, also known as pushover territory. The trick is to learn how to be pleasant and accommodating without being a doormat. Stress your freedom to say “no.” If guilt plagues your worried conscience, invoke the cause of your good health and sanity to remind you that saying no is not a negative!
Take a cue from your kids, and play! When you punch out, make sure to leave your work at the office and make time for play each evening. Take up a new hobby, read your favourite magazine, or take the family and dog for a walk. Play time reinvigorates the soul, gets the creative juices flowing, and beats the boredom of your work routine.
See a professional. True to the saying, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of the cure. Watch for the signs of stress, and keep them in check before they get out of hand. Being proactive will maintain balance and calm in your busy lives and can minimize the effects of office-related stress. Symptoms range from the emotional to the physical and can include insomnia, digestive problems, loss of focus, pain or illness, and moodiness. Have regular physicals to check up your cardio and inform your physician of any pain or discomfort.
But help doesn’t have to stop at your G.P’s office. Why not sign up for some online coaching? If you’re finding the stress is too much to handle, professional coaching can support working mums who finds themselves constantly torn between work and home life.
