Posts tagged Negative Emotions
Gentleness: Freeing Ourselves From Bitterness
Dec 31st
One of the famous survivors of the Holocaust, Corrie Ten Boom, wisely stated, “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize that the prisoner was you.” In the midst of us justifying our bitterness, a quote like this is haunting-the realization that bitterness, even against something as evil as Nazi Germany, will enslave you and destroy your life.
In order for us to become gentle people, we have to become free of bitterness. This is not done for the sake of the person or group we are bitter against, rather it is done so that we can live in freedom and grace and not be controlled by that hatred. It does not mean accepting or even trying to understand what the person or group did to hurt you. It does not mean in any way lessening your resolve for justice or going against the harmful things the individual or group may be doing. Rather, it is not letting that bitterness be the current that controls the direction which your life flows.
Everyone has bitterness; some may be for extremely horrible offenses, while others may be smaller offenses that still don’t seem able to escape our hearts. Some of the bitterness we can be greatly aware of, while others we have suppressed in our sub-conscience, but they still haunt our dreams, emotions, and reactions. They are sure to come out when we are going through the dark seasons of our lives when our ability to suppress our negative emotions has been torn away.
We have to realize that letting go of this bitterness is a process. The first step is located and realizing what the bitterness is. Perhaps it was a friend that betrayed you, a lover that broke your heart, a family member that deserted you, an organization that damaged you, or a person that hurt you physically, psychologically, or emotionally. Until we are able to locate that we have this bitterness, we can never be free of it.
The next process is even harder-letting it go. It is not usually a one-time event; it make take months, years, and even decades-depending on what the offense is. However, as we let go of our bitterness we let the light of God in to our lives to shine more fully. We become more gentle, kind, and caring people. We live our lives as an expression of grace and love, rather than a negative reaction based on hate and pain. As we seek to implement gentleness in our own lives, let’s pray for the Spirit of God to capture us and allow us to let go of the chain of bitterness that we might have life and have it more abundantly.
The Unknown Self – Is There a Cure For Narcissism?
Nov 19th
Are you living with someone who has a narcissist personality and are wondering if there is a cure?
Understanding Narcissistic Behaviour
Narcissistic people wear a mask of confidence that they project out into their fragile world with great self-assurance, which is covering up deep insecurities and fears through an inflated self-image. Narcissist people are very good at lying, but even better at believing their own lies. They create a distorted reality as they pull others into their web. Narcissists strive for control of their own life, and the lives of people who are close to them. Unfortunately they are unconscious of the fact that it is them who are out of control.
Narcissistic people are unable to reveal their true authentic self, simply because they are unaware of who they are. On an unconscious level they actually hide from themselves and the world around them, locked into a perceived reality of their own making, locked in with suppressed negative emotions. These emotions emanate from them suppressed and confined in the world they have created, a world designed purely for the purpose of feeling in control, to progress, if you can call living life in a fantasy world progressing! Within their world they function from their own inflated ego The need to control everything and everyone produces acting out behaviors such as -
Being distantArrogantIntimidatingThreateningBehaving arrogantly and haughtilyProjecting superiority, and all importantRaging and ranting when distressed
Narcissists desperately need admiration and approval from outside of them self. Being recognized as being superior and believing they can never be affected by anything or anyone their fragile ego. What they what NPD’s fail to acknowledge is they are negatively effecting their whole living reality, and the people who love them.
When a Narcissist feels wounded or betrayed they often set out to hurt whatever or whoever they feel has betrayed or angered them. They suffer delusions that their perceived betrayer feels the same about them, and is likely to act in the same way. However, when it suits whatever purpose they have in mind they act charming and even seductive, and become your best friend. Fortunately emotionally balanced people recognize the traits and move out of their circle as quickly as they can.
People with NPD can experience mood change from high to lows. When high on self grandiose a narcissist is so dysfunctional in their behaviour they often revert to self sabotaging them self completely unaware of any danger signals. So, the question is, what created the behaviours that become so much a part of Narcissistic survival? What established the set of principles, beliefs that really do not serve them. Deep down a they are is so much more than their conditioned behaviours. Childhood negative programming can create two of our greatest fears,
The fear of loving anything or anyoneThe fear of being loved by anything or anyone
What Causes Narcissism?
Childhood and parental neurosisBeing over protected or abused by parents, carers, or siblingsThe feeling of betrayal, and seeing others betrayed around you in early childhoodLack of trustBeing looked up to by peers, when really you felt lost scared or inadequateare just a few of the factors involved in creating a negative narcissistic personality.
Early childhood conditioning, and childhood neurosis can often manifests from the feelings of:
AngerHurtSadnessFearGuilt
Which ultimately leads to suppressed feelings of resentment. At a very early age parental neurosis and childhood conditioning together with significant negative emotional events cause these negative feelings (which young children do not understand). Through lack of understanding and no knowledge of how to deal with feelings, the child internalized them (takes them inside). They are unconsciously pushed into a metaphorical black bag (the unconscious mind) and the strings tightly pulled closed.
Later in life the suppressed negative emotions start to surface as bad feelings, and having no real understanding of how to deal with them they are projected through behaviour on to others or objects. Remember, the blame is always outside the self (always a projection). Whatever goes wrong in the life of a narcissist, it is always the fault of thing or someone else.
A narcissist lives in a world of cause and effect, a world where they are ruler of their perceived empire. All the negative emotions that were established and suppressed all those years ago, all the well established outdated behaviours that are used to control, manipulate and psychologically play with the very people they need, but so easily reject. These emotions are acted out everyday as a release for unconscious constrained, immature negative feelings. The feeling of having control over others gains a false sense of security, a false sense of being powerfulness.
Is there a cure for Narcissism?
A narcissist first needs to recognize they have built their relationships on the foundations of unstable negative emotions. If a person has come to a place in their life where there behaviours keep hurting others so they can maintain their own feelings of control, then is it perhaps time for them and their partners to reconsider the situation. Because what a Narcissist will undoubtedly create within their personal world is the very situation they least desire, and everything they think they control they can end up losing. If their outdated negative feelings and behaviours have a purpose and the purpose was to teach something, what is it that a narcissist needs to really understand, what is it that they need to ‘let go’ of in order for the problems, they keep unwittingly creating, to completely disappear?
There is a great deal information about the negative traits of narcissistic personality disorder, but very little about the positive traits of narcissism. Freud believed that we are born with narcissistic traits and that they are an essential part of us. I believe that healthy narcissism assists us in many ways and without it we would find it hard to balance our own needs when it comes to relating to the people around us.
According to Dr. Roy Baumeister, a Social Psychologist, healthy balanced narcissism is a mature, balanced love of oneself coupled with a stable sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Healthy narcissism implies knowledge of one’s boundaries and a proportionate and realistic appraisal of one’s achievements and traits.
I invite you to take the first step to understanding narcissism. My Precision Therapy Self Hypnosis Audio, The Unknown Self is specifically designed for people who are labelled with Narcissism, or narcissistic traits, and their partners. Understanding narcissism is the first step towards emotional healing, the first step towards find your true self.
