Today we are facing an epidemic of emotional problems, depression, violence and eating disorders. We are desperate for quick fix and the “self help” market is booming.

But does it help us? Is it possible to transform a person just by reading a book? Maybe it can happen with the books aimed at specific problems and showing us step-by-step approach to change the way we deal with those problems.

Positive affirmations may help certain people with high self esteem, but not others who need help most. Researchers have discovered that unbelievable positive affirmations actually strengthens negative view of people with low self esteem.

If you know deep down that there is more live for, to achieve, to experience, then self-help books can help you get into action. 90% of the readers don’t even finish the book, almost 10% read it and make a plan but fail to apply it, and only few percents of them actually take ACTION.

To overcome problems we must accept responsibility of our actions. That’s impossible, daunting thought for over 90% of people. Blame the boss, government, spouse, it is easier, everybody is doing it. If we accept that we are in control of our lives, then comes the scary part – taking ACTION.

“If you believe you can or you can’t, you are right.” Henry Ford

The living dead that I am referring to are people who just exist in today’s society with no aim or purpose in their lives. They are living, but yet dead at the same time (ironic isn’t it?). When you ask them what makes them excited or passionate, a large number of people have forgotten about it. They cite reasons that when they were younger, they had dreams. Some even had ambitions. The sad thing is that after many years of working and climbing the corporate ladder, they looked back and asked themselves “Am I happy and is this life?”

In the book Halftime, it describes that for most people in the first half of their lives, they really work hard to pursue success. Everyone has a different idea of what success looks like. For some it will be money or career, while others it could be about places they have travelled or people they have met. However, when they enter the second half of their lives, they look back at the work of their hands and ask the following fundamental questions: “What have I done so far?” and the usual “Am I contented with it?” They realise that their lives are no longer about pursuing success, it is about pursuing significance.

Here’s my story and journey of how I started my entrepreneur journey:

I started off my career working in an engineering company that was extremely established in Singapore. I was into building automation and served as a project engineer handling building projects. It was something that I could do, in fact, it was something that I was trained well for. I mean, my early years in life was spent on preparing for a job in the engineering sector.

Until something happened. At the age of 26, I started to ask myself a question which all adults actually ask at one point in their lives and that is “what do I really want to do with my life?” It was astonishing simple but yet, it could not be answered at all. I was dumb folded.

This question kept ringing in my head. I actually ignored it, thinking that it will go away. It did go away, only to resurface again a week later, then another week and a couple of days later. It just kept coming back. For some adults, they ignored it to a point where their dreams were drowned by the immediate concerns of providing for the family. I acknowledge that all of us have a responsibility to fulfill to our families, but what has happened to our dreams in the process? Can there be a way to fulfill both at the same time?

It took me a year of soul searching and to constantly ask what I am passionate about? And I finally found it. I discovered that I really love to teach and inspire people towards fun, loving and supportive relationships. Not only I found it, I took massive action towards it. I started asking myself how can I do more of what I am passionate about? Are there groups that I can join to do just that? Is there a career decision that I have to make for that to happen? Can I change my attitude towards life and start taking personal responsibility for all the results that I have been getting? Will I make a firm decision to change my life right now?

Fast forward into the present now. I have traveled to 7 countries so far, conducting training and giving talks on motivation, mindset change and building teams. At a young age, I have spoken to CEOs, directors and people twice my age. I have given keynote speeches in conferences and learning seminars. I have personally trained or spoken to 5400 people. Everything started because I started to find out what makes me excited and alive. So, my question to you is what makes you excited? What makes you feel alive? Will you take some time to list them down? Don’t do it for me, but do it for yourself!

Do read my questions that I have posted earlier here and reflect on it. Take time to clear the clutter off your mind and another 30 minutes to reflect upon it. Do share with me on what you have discovered!

With positive self talk, you can feel more optimistic and positive about life. This requires replacing negative self talk or dialogue with positive self talk. Below are some ways to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. In the following examples of frustrating situations, you can chose to either have positive or negative self dialogue.

•Driving to a job you hate – “It’s not so bad, I only have to be there 8 hours.” “Today will be a good day, I’ll call and old friend at lunch.” “It’s only 3 days until payday.”

•Your child broke his arm at school – “The injury could have been worse.” “I’m so thankful he’s still alive.” “Other kids have had playground injuries that were much worse.”

•You lost money on your stock – “The stock will rise again soon.” “Some people have lost a lot more than me.” “I’ll figure out what went wrong and try again.”

•Your significant other dumped you – “It is better that I know now what he/she was all about.” “I’ll find someone better suited for me.” “It was his/her loss, anyway.” “There are more fish in the sea.”

•You lost your job – “I’ll find a better job.” “Where one door closes, another one opens.” “I’ll find a job I enjoy more.”

Self talk is one of the best ways to help you overcome negativity, and become a more optimistic and happier person. Instead of immediately acting upon the negative in a situation, self talk helps you find the positive in any situation, and concentrate on what you do want, and not what you don’t want. When you practice self talk, overcoming negativity will become a cinch.

When you’re not confident, people feel your energy also, and it saps them. You feel unworthy of good things; you question your judgment; you feel as though you have nothing to offer to the world. You sometimes feel jealous or envious of others over the smallest things, and even things that don’t pertain to your life depress you. You feel out of control; that’s not a good feeling at all.

What can one do to get out of the doldrums of insecurity and non-confidence? Anything different is a good start. A change of routine is a good step towards a different way of thinking. Sometimes it can be as small a step as putting your right shoe on first if you always put your left shoe on first. Sometimes it can be as simple as deciding to read something different, like a new book or even a different section of the newspaper.

See, non-confident people get trapped in the miasma of inactivity; they feel they can’t do anything different, so they don’t even try. Confident people are always doing something different, because they feel that, even if something’s not perfect, they’ll learn something positive from the experience, even if it only leads to a story they can tell others so they don’t make those same mistakes.

Remember the Nike ad that said “Just Do It”? Well, my slight twist on it is just do something. Trust me, you’ll feel better for it.

Recently I was given an award, presented in front of a room full of 400 people at a large conference. As I jogged up to the stage I guess I tried to leap up two steps. It didn’t work. I tripped and fell just as I was taking the stage. Pain shot through my knees. I was mortified; all I could think about was my big butt facing the audience. You could hear a pin drop in the massive ballroom. The president of the company who was presenting the award winced.

Without missing a step, I sprang to my feet, grabbed the microphone from him and breathlessly said, “The only thing I bruised was my ego.” He threw his head back and laughed. The audience laughed. A dumb mis-step turned into a silly moment and it was over. I might have fallen onstage. Maybe I even experienced a brief fall from self-esteem. But I didn’t let it destroy my confidence outside.

Later, people came up and said, “I felt so bad for you. Are you okay?” Not a single person said anything mean-spirited. They might have been thinking those thoughts, but if they did, they politely kept them to themselves. When I spoke the next day, the room was packed, and I got a standing ovation.

There are other times when no one is looking and it’s still important to think about how your actions will impact your confidence level even when no one is looking.

Doing the right thing – even when others don’t notice – will increase your confidence. Last week I was at Starbucks and discovered a wallet with three $20 bills sticking out. Yes, I could’ve used that money. If I put it in my purse and tossed out the wallet no one would have noticed. But it wasn’t the right thing to do. That wallet belonged to someone else. I gave it to the Manager. I knew in my heart that if I didn’t do the right thing I would have a difficult time looking in the mirror for a long time. That would pull down my confidence and who knows what negative impact that could have for years to come.

Be gracious. Be bold. Don’t be afraid to shine when you have the opportunity. And when it’s just you and you have to make a decision to do the right thing – the good always comes back to you pressed down, heaped up and flowing over. You can hold your head up high and know you are a person who comes by your confidence because you deserve it.

Knowing your self-value comes from within and not from what the outside world has determined. She looks within rather than placing blame on anyone or anything. She takes a ‘no excuses’ approach to creating the life she wants and invests in herself without guilt.

Becoming a confident woman will make you feel happier, more secure and extra attractive. You will start to attract anything you desire in your life with ease.

When you feel confident and really great in your own skin, you will soon find everything begins to flow easily and effortlessly into your life.

1. Be 100% Honest with Yourself. YES! No more denial. It’s really easy to delude yourself, isn’t?

You will save yourself a lot time, pain and money be being 100% honest with yourself. When you’re honest with yourself all you do is gain more – happiness and freedom. You’ll find the answer to those burning questions. Everything you need to know is inside you and the way you access these answers is through your truth.

Get quiet and ask yourself the questions. Trust your intuition and your answer will appear…Your answers are in you already.

Ask your higher self, “Am I being real with myself?” “Does this bother me or not?” “Is this action hurting or helping me?”?

2. Accept Full Responsibility for YOUR Life. This is one of the greatest ways to demonstrate honor and value to yourself and the universe.

One of the best ways I know how to feel empowered is to accept full responsibility for your life.

If you don’t like the results in your life, don’t waste your precious energy blaming others. Add more value to your life instead and take full responsibility. When you do this, you get connected to good, clean energy that is essential for taking actions to make lasting change.

This is your life. Take responsibility for it. You attract to you what you put out to the world through your level of self-value. Action or inaction comes from the level of self-value you hold for yourself. You will find that when you take responsibility for your life, doors will open and you’ll be able to live out the dream of YOUR life.

In accepting responsibility, you show up for your life in a completely different way and reflect the value you hold on the inside to the outside world.

3. Don’t Take Things Personal. If this is a hard one for you, please read or re-read The Four Agreements, Chapter #3.

The reason you’re taking what someone said as personal is, at some level, you are agreeing with and it’s not even true! This is why it bothers you so much. LET IT GO!

Taking things personally is poison; it will keep you stuck, wasting time worrying and analyzing.

Please do yourself a favor, stop eating others emotional garbage. Commit to not taking things personally. You are setting yourself up to suffer and it is robbing you of your self-confidence.

4. Be Clear and Confident. Who are you? And, what is your authentic image?

Write down five qualities you like about yourself. Then write down one quality you want to improve. In doing so, you’ll gain the clarity you need to build more confidence.

When you truly KNOW yourself, you’ll find yourself speaking more clearly, knowing exactly what you want and you will go after it by doing it. Once you get clear on who you are and really liking yourself, you’ll find confidence follows. You become unstoppable!

5. Stop the “I’m Not Good Enough!” ‘Nuff Said! STOP IT! Comparing yourself to others? Obsessing about flaws that only you see? Right? You know what I mean here

Stop analyzing your inside to everybody outside – dangerous. Get off the scale, off Facebook, turn the TV off, and get into your life. Don’t call your girlfriend and ask her “what is wrong with me?” Nothing! This is only fueling the false beliefs you are holding and will keep you stuck.

Instead, if you are not feeling good enough, take ACTION. Do something that fills your soul up and brings worth to your life – HONOR yourself. Go for walk, read a book, take a bath. Then call your girlfriend and meet her fun lunch to celebrate life with her instead of calling her in self-doubt.

Start to feel good and begin to treat yourself like you are more than enough and do this starting NOW! Invest in you! Wake up early to journal, meditate, take care of your body by exercising, having a mental vision for your life and fuel your spirit by doing things YOU love to do. Nourish your body and soul with people and things that only support love.

Soon enough you’ll feel whole in body, mind and soul and will finally feel good enough for yourself and others.

It is what you do everyday that will determine the results that you are going to get in the future. Therefore, as long as you adopt the success habits, you will be creating results each day and making progress on a daily basis. These are the small success that will accumulate over time to create huge success in your life. So here are the 3 success habits that you must adopt…

1. The first habit that you must adopt is to take consistent action each day. No matter how busy you are, form the habit of taking action and accomplish at least 5 things that will lead you to where you want to go. Successful people are action oriented. They are able to produce the results that they want in their lives because they are taking the action. If you are not doing anything about what you want, you will never create the results you desire.

2. Next, adopt the habit of proactive. Do not wait for things to happen, instead, go out and make things happen. If the economy is bad and you are not making any money in your business, what will you do? Will you complain about the economy and wait for things to get better? Or will you do something to change the situation around to pull in more sales? If you choose to wait and be reactive, you will never be successful. So learn to be proactive and start making things possible now.

3. Finally, adopt the habit of thinking big everyday. This is the main reason successful people are able to come up with the drive and energy to do their work. If you think small, you will feel less energy and motivation. On the other hand, if you think big, you will feel excited and the energy will flow through you. You will feel more energetic and more motivated. Thus, you are able to get more done. If you focus on winning the bronze prize, you are not going to play it full out. However, if you focus on the gold prize, you will try your best and play it full out.

This is a knowledge filled world, so it demands answers. The value is in the answer. You get money or you get prestige. Of course, most new inventions require an openness to see possibilities, but inventions are built on previous knowledge. I am speaking here of the psychology of our minds, and what happens in the mind that is looking only for answers.

In the psychological, questions create openness, not money, and it is only an open mind that can experience life wholly and completely. We do not realize that death lives in answers, and that life lives in questions. You die in the answer because there are no more questions. Questions create a space to discover something new. ?

The answer is always in the question, and the next question is always in the answer. Actually we do not have a true answer unless there is another question included in an answer. To find the new question in the answer, is to have a complete life experience-the experience of life and death in one movement. To have an answer without seeing the ensuing question is to live in darkness, just in the death part of life. ?If you can question your answer to anything, not making the answer right or wrong, but taking the answer and find the new question in it, life will be continually new.

For example, if you are feeling down, and you say, “I’m depressed,” that is the first step in healing your depression.

You have spoken the truth of it. Then out of that truth spoken, you need to discover the question which might be “what is causing my depression?”? From the ensuing answer you will find the next question. If at any time, you come up with an answer without an ensuing question, you are likely to slip back into depression, back into the death of answers.

Generally, people find it difficult to live in this manner, for it is against all that we have learned and been taught. Krishnamurti talked about living in the unknown, and more recently, Eckhart Tolle spoke about the new, but you cannot have the unknown or the new without the death of the old. It is impossible. Two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time. One dies; then the other is born. Death and birth are the cycle of life.

You can experience the new when you are able to find the question in the statements you make on a day to day basis. It is not difficult, but it does require actually doing it as you walk along in your life. ?This manner of living will take you away from the trap of worry, stress, and all the other problems we humans have brought upon ourselves. You will no longer seek answers from outside yourself. ?They are there for you-there to be discovered inside the question/ answer/question/answer.

The age-old advice of know thyself or look within is the action of asking questions of yourself. And the place you find to question yourself is in your own answers, otherwise known as your beliefs.

Is it possible that when you know nothing, you know everything?

Discover with a new consciousness.