Posts tagged Job
How to Support Others and Stay Sane
Dec 18th
Many of my friends and clients who serve others for a living spend a lot of time solving problems. Clients or employees come to you for solutions to a myriad of problems both personal and professional. It can take a lot of energy to come up with solutions all day long particularly if the problems aren’t ones you have the answers to. Often you may find yourself overwhelmed with work and missing some important times at home.
When you are overwhelmed have you thought about finding another job, going to live on a tropical island or letting go of something else you love in order to have time for your family, friends and self-care?
Although the tropical island sounds very appealing these strategies aren’t necessarily long term solutions because you may end up in a similar situation all over again.
Thank goodness there are some other options to support you! What I’ve found to be true is I don’t need to be all knowing nor do I need to search for all the answers for someone coming to me for help.
What you do need to do is build trust, be empathic and connect people to resources.
Let’s look at how you are offering support now. Do you find yourself taking on the problems that are brought to you? Do you try and solve things that aren’t in your area of expertise? Do you think you need to have or find all the answers?
If you answered yes to any of those questions here are some options to mull over.
Your role could be to connect the employee or client to the resources they need to solve their problem. You may be the resource sometimes but my guess is often you may not be. You are the connector.
To connect the person and their problem to a solution or next step you need to hone your listening skills. As you listen to the story you support them to get clarity about exactly what it is they need. Once you clarify the need the strategies will begin to come clear.
The first strategy is to direct them back to themselves. Asking them “What do you think a next step would be?” Often you will find when people are listened to and supported to gain clarity they know their own next step. Guide them back to themselves and empower them to step into what they already know.
If they can’t think of a next step offer to brainstorm with them. Begin putting forward some ideas and they will join you. In a short period of time they can leave your office with some options to explore.
If neither of you can think of any specific strategies take time to consider what other resources could support them. Is there someone you know that is an expert in this area? Are there books, online resources, or a class that might offer them new tools? More than likely they will have a next step planned after considering these questions.
When you take on others problems or believe you have to have all the answers you wear yourself out. There are lots of challenges in the world. Honing your listening skills and supporting others to feel empowered to help themselves can actually feel energizing.
Consider exploring these options and let me know how it goes. I would love to hear from you. Your questions, feedback or comments are welcome!
If you think this article may support someone you know please feel free to forward this to them.
Nobody Knows But Me
Nov 29th
Throughout my life, I have repeatedly witnessed people telling one another what is ‘so’ for them, passing judgment, asserting opinions, etc. I’ve even had it happen to me and quite frankly, it still does. Because human beings learn through experience, it didn’t take long for me to act this way with the people around me. If I saw someone do something I thought was wrong or ineffective, I very quickly jumped in with my own opinion because I ‘knew’ a better way. Now, in no way am I suggesting we don’t have good ideas or intentions; of course we do. My point is we can no longer interact like this with one another and still create the lives and world we say we want!
I see people all around me stepping out, leading with their heart and following a path into a more expansive life; yet, there are those (and there probably always will be a handful of) folks who doubt, question, judge and assert alternatives to the ones truly creating their life. The challenge is to actually consider what ‘they’ say and not dismiss it. Keep in mind, there is wisdom all around us even with the naysayers. Our job is to do more than just listen to the words; it’s to embrace it as an opportunity to try ‘them’ on, reflect, look for the bigger meaning and whatever you do, don’t stop walking your walk. In doing so, you’ve empowered the experience with the other person (you’ve turned his or her judgment into an observation) and used it to grow. Who cares if there’s nothing useful, you’ve still grown just in the shifting of your context. Plus, you are carving away at a belief system, and determining what works and what doesn’t in order to truly define you!
The definition of ‘definition’:
1) the act of defining or making definite, distinct, or clear.
2) the formal statement of the meaning or significance of a word, phrase, etc
Who are you? Are you the flaky friend; the mentally broken mom; the really cool cousin; the supermom; or the……..??? You see, the list will go on much like the song that never ends. Now, as for me? I am not a label for starters. I am not a business owner; an Aromatherapist; a CDA; an instructor; a crazy loon; a troublesome daughter, annoying sister, strict mom, etc. I am love. I am patience. I am enthusiasm. I am inspiration. I am trust. I am confidence. I am…..
I must say, it took me a while to really detach from everything I’ve ever been born into, married into, gone to school to become, received a certificate for, or was called due to a misunderstanding. From the time I was 3, I knew I was so much more. I felt contained within my body and longed for someone to give me some idea about what was going on! Well, being 3, you’d think my parents would lend a hand in this department. Sadly, they did not. Well, it was sad for only a small portion of my life because I was determined TO understand. Luckily, I was adventurous with a great appreciation for mystery (always loved my ‘Nancy Drew’ books); so, I made it my mission in life to get to the heart of this energy they named ‘Tammy’.
And what a journey it’s been. If I had continued to ‘own’ the labels I’d been handed, I couldn’t possibly feel the joy and elation for life that I do and all the opportunities I’m presented with on a daily basis i.e. sitting outside to gaze at the stars! I’d still be to worried about being society’s definition of a good mom. This is where I ask, who came up with those definitions AND why do we adhere to them? What constitutes being a good mom? And before I continue, I’m aware that we have our fair share of abuse in this world; however, I’m not talking about that. I’m referring to the countless moms who bend over backwards to make sure their duties are seen to before engaging in anything else that doesn’t involve cooking, cleaning, homework, reading, brushing teeth, bathing and so on; yet I wonder, if we’re committed to changing this world to be heart centered, peaceful and loving, then why aren’t we modeling it?
We’re modeling labels instead. Unfortunately, the people we’re modeling them too are heart centered beings (we’re born that way) and if he or she is a highly sensitive one, then ‘Houston, we have a problem’. I was one of those sensitive and inquisitive creatures. So, my path was a conscious choice AND I learned so much along the way (as I still am). The biggest one is I am NOT what you think I am AND I can be anything I want to be. I am dignity in the face of adversity. I am grace in the face chaos. I am stillness in the face of confusion. I am is what got me here: excited and in love with life. To me, ‘I am’ is a philosophy and when we come from this place, we’re feeling. Look back at the various ‘I am’ statements. Each one describes a feeling and when we allow ourselves to feel, we’re tapping into our divinity and it’s this divinity that guides us on our journey.
In all fairness, I realize it’s not the fastest process to shed the labels nor is it comfortable. So, start with a few; even one and allow yourself to feel what it feels like to not have ‘that’ on your back. I must warn you, the more you allow yourself to feel, the more you want to release; however, from this point forward, please don’t take on the opinions, etc of others. Briefly consider them and learn; that’s it. Remember, letting someone else tell you who you are is crazy making because nobody knows you but you!
Before I close, I wanted to mention that October 7th was the anniversary of Edgar Allen Poe’s passing; in honor of him I share the following quote, from the ‘Tell Tale Heart’. Poe was a gifted writer; yet was labeled crazy. Interestingly, I see him as passion. Two very different considerations; unfortunately, the result of his experience with society crippled his ability to be passion, so he did what he could do to remain connected to his heart which undermineundermined his health. This line tells me, he knew who he was, too!
‘And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the sense?’
