Posts tagged Job
What’s Not Said
Sep 24th
For everything that’s said, there are a million things unsaid.
Two people I know of died recently. A local coach I collaborated with on my book and had a few meals with over the past year. And the mother of a girl I was friends with in middle school.
I wanted to tell Holly’s husband and children how much I liked and admired their wife and mom. How peaceful and calm and scared and human she was. But I didn’t.
I wanted to tell Stacie that I was so sorry for what she had been through. Again, nope.
I’ve been moved by hearing special things about the loved one who passed away, experiencing an outpouring of support and loving all the little ways that people come from every corner of the world to be there. Oh, so meaningful.
Life changing, actually. So why didn’t I say anything?
I didn’t know exactly what to say, to whom to say it, what if I wasn’t clear, what if they want to talk further, what if it makes them feel worse, what if, what if….
For every person who tells you about the impact your family member had on their life, there are maybe dozens of people who aren’t saying it.
That’s not an excuse for not saying it, but it is the truth.
I wanted to tell the woman that she was beautiful, but I was worried of what she might think of me.
What, that I’m kind?
I wanted to tell the cashier that she made shopping at that store an amazing experience. She went out of her way, really, and I appreciated her so, so much.
I asked about her grandchildren, told her she was excellent at her job, but I didn’t say the whole of the wonderful things I thought of her. Not even close.
That would have made me too vulnerable. Too assuming. Too bold.
Too scared.
For everything that is said, there are a million things unsaid. When someone compliments you, there are a dozen people who wanted to and didn’t.
Remember that next time you get a compliment.
And when you get that next compliment, pay it forward. Take that step, put yourself out there and tell the woman she’s beautiful because you never know what that might inspire in her. Tell the family that their love one touched your life because hearing it from 22 people is infinitely better than hearing it from 21 people. It does make a difference.
And the next time you hold your compliments in, notice the pattern and embrace it. Examine the beliefs, fears, insecurities that are underneath that behavior and choose differently.
I know I will.
Time For Career and Life Fulfillment Now!
Sep 23rd
People who com to me for coaching usually feel they don’t have time for what really matters to them. However, the time factor is usually buried under other issues around life and career disharmony, stress, and distractions. Usually my clients initially express their concerns about time in some of the following ways:
- I’m overworked, so it’s hard to enjoy what I’m doing, even though it’s the career I want
- I’m not satisfied at work and want to change
- I’m out of shape and want to feel fit again
- I feel I’m not present enough for the needs of my family or partner or spouse
- I’m concerned about who or what I will become in retirement
- I have so many things I’m trying to do, and at the end of the day, I don’t feel I’ve gotten anywhere or done anything of meaning to me
Underneath these concerns, I sense these people’s need for greater clarity about what is fulfilling and meaningful in their lives. Any of my clients who’ve coached with me for a while and are reading this will probably smile, because they quickly learn that becoming aware of your purpose and finding ways to live it out is at the heart of life coaching. What’s particularly important is that living with purpose can also expand your quality time for doing what matters.
One of my clients, for example, greatly clarified his understanding of how important his art work is to him. By creating a daily computerized check list to see the amount of time he puts into activities that matter and that don’t matter to him, he has developed ways to put more time per week into his art projects by creating a flexible schedule for his job. In the process, he realized that he had also opened a purposeful pathway for retirement, which was another of his coaching goals.
For those of you who’d like to have more quality time for what you really want to do, here are some suggestions:
- Explore what is meaningful and fulfilling in your life. Remember times when you felt energized and engaged. Feel right now the sensations of warmth and aliveness in your body. What were you doing? What was important about this to you?
- See how you can raise the percentage of time you spend doing what is meaningful to you in your daily life. For example, find or create a job/career that is inherently fulfilling; find ways to accentuate doing what you like at your current job; focus on creative projects outside of work.
- If you’re doing what you love for work, but feel you don’t have enough time for family, self-care, downtime, etc., see how you can re-arrange your work life into a more flexible schedule so you have more time before or after work, or an extra day per week free. Consider working closer to home and save on commute time.
- Create a plan that includes time for doing something you want to do (including time to relax and recharge) every day. Starting with just fifteen minutes a day is fine. Schedule this time in your calendar and do what it says!
* Reduce the amount of time you spend on “comfort” activities such as snack times, sudoko puzzles, or computer games. Consider instead something healthy and generative for yourself such as a ten-minute brisk walk, a power nap, a short meditation, or a fun, creative activity.
Remember that you can have the fulfilled life you want with satisfying work and quality time for yourself and your family. To make a transition like this requires seeing the big picture of what matters to you, feeling your purpose, and taking successful action!
