Posts tagged Habit
Taking a “Processing” Break
Sep 3rd
Processing can become a habit of the mind that drains our energy. It takes us away from the present moment where our creative selves live. Our happiness suffers as well as our peace of mind when we get caught up in the stories (assumptions) that we make up about life, ourselves, and others. When we are processing, we are focussed less on what’s real and more on what is an illusion.
It’s the same for all of us.
As human processors, we often have a favourite road that we take which is usually fueled by anxiety. For instance, after years of exploring personal growth both individually and in groups, I had learned to be an expert at analysis.
It has been a wonderful lesson for me to let go of trying to figure out the dynamics of a relationship or why I am emotionally triggered. When I processed and processed and processed, I realized that I often was in someone else’s business instead of my own. I was ‘over there’, wishing things were different and figuring out why ‘they’ behaved as they did. There was little accountability as I often found excuses for my own behaviour. My mind went in circles, and I was not connected to my heart nor the feelings that showed up physiologically in my body. I used a lot of words and distanced those to whom I really wanted to be close.
When I practice what I have learned about handling a tendency to want to stay in my head and process, there is a significant difference in my relationship with myself and others. The calmness that envelopes me is reflected back to me. I get to see that nothing is really as important as it seems to my mind. In the present moment, I feel a trust that life will take care of itself. I focus on what is right about my life instead of fixing what my mind perceives as wrong. When I accept feelings that come and go, I am tender with myself and, therefore, with others. I deeply know that they are simply feelings to be experienced as a human being on this planet. They are not my identity nor are they the identity of those around me.
When you notice yourself processing, the following are effective ways to support a different choice:
Take a time-out (a silent pause or break). For those of you who have the tendency to want to process out loud, stay with your inner experience. The timing isn’t right for you to use words when you are in the midst of turmoil. Simply be with what’s happening at a body-sensate level. Feelings have a physiological component as well as their own frequency. Even if you can’t label the feeling, simply noticing the intensity of the frequency and where it is present in your body is very beneficial. Welcoming the feeling without judging it as negative or positive opens the door for it to be felt fully – without ‘trying’ to get rid of it. The result is freedom. Practice mindful breathing – following each inhale and exhale of your breath so that you naturally breathe into your belly. Notice your surroundings and get in touch with your senses to keep bringing you back to the present moment. Connecting with nature is particularly helpful. If your thoughts are very active, write them down so that you can see them. Then ask yourself – is this true? Would everyone on this planet agree with me? If not, it is simply an opinion – a story made up by the mind. Write a letter to yourself during a time of being clear and grounded in your wise self. Address your over-and-over tendencies in this letter, adding loving, wise words that touch your heart. Save it in a special place to be read when the processing habit feels painful. This measure of being a true friend to yourself will help quiet your mind. Remind yourself that whatever is happening is perfect. All will unfold. You will know what to do – step by step. Embracing all of your experiences will lead you to a place of stillness. Feelings, thoughts, body sensations – all come and go. It is our core, Infinity itself, that endures, nourishes us, and provides us with the freedom to be who we are…really.
How to Be and Stay Happy
Sep 3rd
Aristotle once said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Happiness then is not an act but a habit.” If you want to be happy and stay happy you need to remember you have to work at it. Work at being happy? Yes. Everything that is worth having needs effort from you. That includes happiness.
How do to become happy and stay that way? Well, by constantly practicing being happy. Learn from your mistakes, adjust and work at it again. I liken the pursuit of happiness to a series of continuous short races that never ends. It is hard work but if you have the wisdom to see how it all adds up, you may just find your nirvana or heaven whichever the case maybe.
If you want to be happy and to stay happy, you need to cultivate. That means see yourself nurturing the habits that brings happiness to you. You may not succeed everyday in doing it, but this pursuit of perfection is what will contribute bit by bit you being happy and staying that way.
What are some of the things you can do then to be happy and stay happy?
1. Giving
Here we are not just talking about charity. Giving involves a lot more. It means giving up bad habits. What are the bad habits that bring you stress? Give up on these habits. Are you disorganized? Being disorganized in all aspects of your life may deprive you a lot of happiness you are seeking. Once you learn to give up bad habits you will gradually become happier.
Ever considered giving in? Do you hold on to opinions that you hide as principles and are too egoistic to let go? Give in; you do not always need to win an argument. You do not always need to be the car in front in a traffic jam. You will soon learn when you give in; you do not lose but stand more to gain.
Give out, yes by this it means charity. Help someone in need and do not judge who is worthy of your help. Help a rich person who is in need. Sometimes people think there are people unworthy of our help. The practice of giving to gain happiness is one that helps us learn about detachment.
2.Think, Say and Do
In all that you think, say and do. Make sure there are as congruent as possible. A lot of times, what you preach to people and what you practice is different. When what you think, feel and do is not in line you will not find happiness. Even if you do, it will not stay that way.
Think good thoughts. Do not scheme behind people’s back and think good of people. Think how you can help people rather than plot for selfish goals. Avoid telling lies, gossiping and harsh speech. The Chinese has a saying loosely translated that says, “Sickness comes in through the mouth, trouble come out from the mouth.” It means we become sick from the things we ingest and we get into trouble with the things we say. Ask yourself, do you speak the truth? Do you speak gently? Say things that will help others? And speak at a proper time and place? Do good things and be of good conduct. It can be as simple as not getting intoxicated, being organized, not procrastinating or even waking up early to get your life organized. Small things like these add up to being happy and staying that way.
To be happy and to stay that way is a cultivation that takes time. It cannot be overnight and it is not one that you do and forget. Take small steps, you will stumble but if you keep at it, eventually you will feel happier and stay that way longer.
