Posts tagged Family Member
Gentleness: Freeing Ourselves From Bitterness
Dec 31st
One of the famous survivors of the Holocaust, Corrie Ten Boom, wisely stated, “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize that the prisoner was you.” In the midst of us justifying our bitterness, a quote like this is haunting-the realization that bitterness, even against something as evil as Nazi Germany, will enslave you and destroy your life.
In order for us to become gentle people, we have to become free of bitterness. This is not done for the sake of the person or group we are bitter against, rather it is done so that we can live in freedom and grace and not be controlled by that hatred. It does not mean accepting or even trying to understand what the person or group did to hurt you. It does not mean in any way lessening your resolve for justice or going against the harmful things the individual or group may be doing. Rather, it is not letting that bitterness be the current that controls the direction which your life flows.
Everyone has bitterness; some may be for extremely horrible offenses, while others may be smaller offenses that still don’t seem able to escape our hearts. Some of the bitterness we can be greatly aware of, while others we have suppressed in our sub-conscience, but they still haunt our dreams, emotions, and reactions. They are sure to come out when we are going through the dark seasons of our lives when our ability to suppress our negative emotions has been torn away.
We have to realize that letting go of this bitterness is a process. The first step is located and realizing what the bitterness is. Perhaps it was a friend that betrayed you, a lover that broke your heart, a family member that deserted you, an organization that damaged you, or a person that hurt you physically, psychologically, or emotionally. Until we are able to locate that we have this bitterness, we can never be free of it.
The next process is even harder-letting it go. It is not usually a one-time event; it make take months, years, and even decades-depending on what the offense is. However, as we let go of our bitterness we let the light of God in to our lives to shine more fully. We become more gentle, kind, and caring people. We live our lives as an expression of grace and love, rather than a negative reaction based on hate and pain. As we seek to implement gentleness in our own lives, let’s pray for the Spirit of God to capture us and allow us to let go of the chain of bitterness that we might have life and have it more abundantly.
What’s Not Said
Sep 24th
For everything that’s said, there are a million things unsaid.
Two people I know of died recently. A local coach I collaborated with on my book and had a few meals with over the past year. And the mother of a girl I was friends with in middle school.
I wanted to tell Holly’s husband and children how much I liked and admired their wife and mom. How peaceful and calm and scared and human she was. But I didn’t.
I wanted to tell Stacie that I was so sorry for what she had been through. Again, nope.
I’ve been moved by hearing special things about the loved one who passed away, experiencing an outpouring of support and loving all the little ways that people come from every corner of the world to be there. Oh, so meaningful.
Life changing, actually. So why didn’t I say anything?
I didn’t know exactly what to say, to whom to say it, what if I wasn’t clear, what if they want to talk further, what if it makes them feel worse, what if, what if….
For every person who tells you about the impact your family member had on their life, there are maybe dozens of people who aren’t saying it.
That’s not an excuse for not saying it, but it is the truth.
I wanted to tell the woman that she was beautiful, but I was worried of what she might think of me.
What, that I’m kind?
I wanted to tell the cashier that she made shopping at that store an amazing experience. She went out of her way, really, and I appreciated her so, so much.
I asked about her grandchildren, told her she was excellent at her job, but I didn’t say the whole of the wonderful things I thought of her. Not even close.
That would have made me too vulnerable. Too assuming. Too bold.
Too scared.
For everything that is said, there are a million things unsaid. When someone compliments you, there are a dozen people who wanted to and didn’t.
Remember that next time you get a compliment.
And when you get that next compliment, pay it forward. Take that step, put yourself out there and tell the woman she’s beautiful because you never know what that might inspire in her. Tell the family that their love one touched your life because hearing it from 22 people is infinitely better than hearing it from 21 people. It does make a difference.
And the next time you hold your compliments in, notice the pattern and embrace it. Examine the beliefs, fears, insecurities that are underneath that behavior and choose differently.
I know I will.
