Posts tagged Envelopes

Processing can become a habit of the mind that drains our energy. It takes us away from the present moment where our creative selves live. Our happiness suffers as well as our peace of mind when we get caught up in the stories (assumptions) that we make up about life, ourselves, and others. When we are processing, we are focussed less on what’s real and more on what is an illusion.

It’s the same for all of us.

As human processors, we often have a favourite road that we take which is usually fueled by anxiety. For instance, after years of exploring personal growth both individually and in groups, I had learned to be an expert at analysis.

It has been a wonderful lesson for me to let go of trying to figure out the dynamics of a relationship or why I am emotionally triggered. When I processed and processed and processed, I realized that I often was in someone else’s business instead of my own. I was ‘over there’, wishing things were different and figuring out why ‘they’ behaved as they did. There was little accountability as I often found excuses for my own behaviour. My mind went in circles, and I was not connected to my heart nor the feelings that showed up physiologically in my body. I used a lot of words and distanced those to whom I really wanted to be close.

When I practice what I have learned about handling a tendency to want to stay in my head and process, there is a significant difference in my relationship with myself and others. The calmness that envelopes me is reflected back to me. I get to see that nothing is really as important as it seems to my mind. In the present moment, I feel a trust that life will take care of itself. I focus on what is right about my life instead of fixing what my mind perceives as wrong. When I accept feelings that come and go, I am tender with myself and, therefore, with others. I deeply know that they are simply feelings to be experienced as a human being on this planet. They are not my identity nor are they the identity of those around me.

When you notice yourself processing, the following are effective ways to support a different choice:

Take a time-out (a silent pause or break). For those of you who have the tendency to want to process out loud, stay with your inner experience. The timing isn’t right for you to use words when you are in the midst of turmoil. Simply be with what’s happening at a body-sensate level. Feelings have a physiological component as well as their own frequency. Even if you can’t label the feeling, simply noticing the intensity of the frequency and where it is present in your body is very beneficial. Welcoming the feeling without judging it as negative or positive opens the door for it to be felt fully – without ‘trying’ to get rid of it. The result is freedom. Practice mindful breathing – following each inhale and exhale of your breath so that you naturally breathe into your belly. Notice your surroundings and get in touch with your senses to keep bringing you back to the present moment. Connecting with nature is particularly helpful. If your thoughts are very active, write them down so that you can see them. Then ask yourself – is this true? Would everyone on this planet agree with me? If not, it is simply an opinion – a story made up by the mind. Write a letter to yourself during a time of being clear and grounded in your wise self. Address your over-and-over tendencies in this letter, adding loving, wise words that touch your heart. Save it in a special place to be read when the processing habit feels painful. This measure of being a true friend to yourself will help quiet your mind. Remind yourself that whatever is happening is perfect. All will unfold. You will know what to do – step by step. Embracing all of your experiences will lead you to a place of stillness. Feelings, thoughts, body sensations – all come and go. It is our core, Infinity itself, that endures, nourishes us, and provides us with the freedom to be who we are…really.