Posts tagged Breast Cancer
Maintaining a Positive Mood – Try to Find the Good in the Bad
Sep 6th
Psychologists have named the “finding something good in a bad situation” a benefit-finding. There have been a lot of studies which have shown that, for example, some patients which had some really bad diseases, like breast cancer, multiple sclerosis, heart disease or rheumatoid arthritis are able to identify at least one benefit from the fact that they are ill.
For example:
*they usually appreciate a lot more of everything that life offers.
*they have the capacity to develop deeper relationships;
*they usually have a bigger sense of compassion;
*they can examine themselves better;
*these people have less tension, less anger and less anxiety;
*they are much more active;
*they have a better mood, they try to have a smile on their face;
*they act really nice with all the people around them.
We should admire these people and try to learn from their experiences. We should all understand that we do not need to experience something bad in order to become happier people.
But, when something bad happens to us, we need to understand that life offers us many surprises: some of them are good and some of them are bad: we have to see all these surprises as a part of our life, as things hat were supposed to happen. The best we can do is to try to learn something each time that something happens. We should always try to think that there are people who have a harder life, who have bigger problems. We have to be satisfied with what we have and try to keep the smile on our face.
How to Make Every Working Day a Joyous One
Aug 20th
My friend was in tears. Her friend, whom I had met only once briefly, had died after a long and hard struggle with breast cancer.
“She was so beautiful and talented, it seems such a waste!” Megan cried. And of course it was. I reminded Megan of what her friend had said, just days before she passed away: “Never make it a labour, only make it a joy”. She was referring to the tasks involved in looking after her while she was coming to the end of her life, and referring to her husband, who had been so loving, kind, supportive and nurturing when she was in pain.
When I heard this sentence, I was very moved. ‘Never make it a labour, only make it a joy’. And we do indeed have that ability as human beings. We, alone, of all the animal species, can choose how we experience anything we have to do. It seems like we can’t, but it’s not true. We can.
Even though this story is in the context of death and dying, actually it has a far wider application. Megan’s friend gave me a great gift that day because I began to use that sentence in my own life and work. In any working day, there will always be tasks that you prefer over others; it’s the nature of the beast. You’ll definitely have tasks that you are more talented at doing than others. For instance, I love writing – it’s a joy to me to write these articles and any of the other writing I do. I can’t honestly say that I find dealing with technology a joy, though! In fact, I’m tempted even to say I hate it, can’t understand it and wish it could all just be done by someone else.
But in order to do what I love at a bigger level, I need to be able to use technology at a certain level at the very least. And given that I want joy in my working days much more than I want frustration, depression or bewilderment (all things I’ve experienced with technology!) it becomes something I have to choose. And this is what Megan’s friend meant by making it a joy, not a labour – choosing to do so.
How do you do actually choose to make something a joy? Being as conscious as possible about what you are doing at any one time is the first step. Then you at least have the opportunity to change how you are experiencing the task you are doing. When the focus is less on the task itself, ie the ‘what’, and more on the ‘how’ you are doing the task, then it is entirely possible to bring joy in – or if not joy, then maybe optimism, positive expectations, or enthusiasm.
But how to be conscious? How to do you get off the automatic track your mind takes you on, and be aware of ‘how’ you are doing a task? Almost sacrilegiously in our fast, busy Western world, it means stopping. Yes, stopping. Interrupting yourself. Keep stopping to check in – is it a labour, or are you enjoying what you’re doing? This is not a new idea; in Plum Village, Thich Nhat Hanh’s community in France, a bell rings every 15 minutes to remind people of what is truly important (coming back to who they really are); in the Course in Miracles, it suggests reminding yourself of the lesson every hour of the day; in the Brahma Kumaris Global Retreat Centre in Oxfordshire, two minutes of Indian music is played every hour, again with the intention of having people stop what they’re doing, and focus on how they are being – and all of this is to do with simply being more conscious and choosing to live a peaceful life.
In your working day, if you regularly see clients, use the time in between clients to stop. Consciously stop. Take 2 or 5 of the minutes available to you and check in with yourself, how you are feeling, what you are thinking, what kind of energy you are bringing to your actions. If you get stuck on your computer, set your alarm to help you remember to stop. If you work from home alone, divide your working hours up into blocks and include some ‘stopping inside’ time alone. When I first tried this, I came up against a great big wall of resistance. Everything in me screamed ‘Get on with it!’ ‘You must get it finished!’ ‘You can’t afford to take time off, not even
2 minutes!’ It was so obviously silly I had to laugh at myself. I persevered though, and found a calmness and sweetness in the tasks that I then did which was enough to make me want to do it more.
