Posts tagged Attitude Change

Chaos is a description many a young person will attribute to their life. For a few, including myself, developing something positive from it can be a real challenge. Some, of course, never find a way out of it, and it is sad that for want of a kind word at an appropriate moment, or a sentence or two designed to encourage an attitude change, can, for some young people, be all that is necessary to steer them on to a more rewarding path.

This is the story of a young man who refused to play host to chaos and manipulated those words into HostChaos.

For years I’ve enjoyed the communities found in chat rooms and some of my long term online contacts came from the simple “Hi” of a private chat room message. There are a lot of internal politics and social games played in chat rooms; some are pure harassment, and some are harassment with a comical tinge. The young man mentioned here was a master at the latter.

We met in 2007 when he made his presence known by attacking the moderators, attacking anyone making grammatical errors, attacking anyone making unsupported claims, and firing insults at any one foolish enough to be dragged into a nonsensical argument. Usually within a few minutes of his entry into any room people would be at each other’s verbal throats and the room was in chaos, a situation that he got great amusement from. But what generally happened was that he got banned. At first the bans were for an hour at a time, but as his behaviour didn’t change the bans became progressively longer and longer until his bans were a month long.

But these bans didn’t stop him entering the rooms. He was cute enough to be able to bypass the blocking controls and his reign of intimidation and manipulation continued much to his pleasure and the bemusement of the unknowing.

But whilst all this was going on I couldn’t help but pick up clues from his conversation of the chaos he lived in and the frustration and anger it was causing. Because I had a personal insight into such a situation I decided to take some action, fearing that unless someone did so, this young man could end up as a sad statistic on a government database somewhere. So I prepared what I wanted to say, saved it in a text file, and waited for the right moment to invite him into a private chat. Luckily this wasn’t difficult because we shared a similar sense of humour and had exchanged a few lines in the main chatroom.

My opportunity came when he was at an emotional low, so whilst he was splattering the room with his angry venomous words I sent him a gentle invite to speak privately. Then I told him bluntly that I wanted to tell him something, that I had already written it out and that I was going to paste it into the chat window and that he could choose whether he read it or not. Whichever choice he made was his alone, but, I cared which choice he made. And then I pasted my file into the window.

“When consciousness first awakens in a foetus it believes that on taking its first breath it will be wanted by the someone giving it life and maybe also by another who was there at conception; also it believes that it will be loved, cherished, fed, clothed, warmed and pampered, and be given attributes and abilities to sustain it through a joyful, spontaneous, meaningful existence whilst it breathes. When it takes that first breath the truth is this.

All life gives you is life itself. If you get anything else you may, or you may not, be fortunate. Life won’t even tell you whether what else you have been given is your good fortune or your first nightmare. We have to find this out for ourselves. When we find out we then have to decide what to do with what we have. The good fortune some humans have is that there will be another human there beside them assisting them to recognise what they have been given and to also use it constructively. For some, the reality is different.

Now you young sir, do not yet realise what you have been given and for that reason you are practising for a life of misery, anger, hardship and membership of “The Poor Lil’ Ole Me Club”. But fear not, for there are many members to welcome you. You also do not realise that we humans have only to repeat an exercise or an action at a given interval about twenty five times for it to become a habit. You are already well rehearsed in your habit of self deprecation, self abuse, and self destruction and I congratulate you on your fortitude and determination in your current pursuit. Although I do get the impression that part of your consciousness wishes you could behave differently.

So understand this: the time is here when you must make a choice. You have been blessed, or cursed, with a brilliant brain and I suspect a high intelligence. In two years time when you look back at your life today what will you see? Will you see no change? Will you see yourself well practised, even perfect, in your current lifestyle? If you do, will you be content with your efforts of those previous two years’ activities and the results that have followed?

You can from now on, now that you know you are intelligent and bright minded, choose the path you take. Neither will be easy. In fact, such is the structure of life both will be darned hard work. One however leads to a quality of life where you can wake up each day proud of your achievements, be surrounded by other humans proud of their achievements too, enjoy good quality food and today’s luxuries, and know that what you do and have done is positively supportive, constructive, and enriching to yourself, those you love, and the world. Alternatively, you can continue on your current path. I’ll leave it to your intelligence to help you identify the hardship ahead of you on this path.

Now choose. Go ahead and use this amazing head of yours on each of the paths outlined above and live with your choice. As you have practised your current behaviour about twenty three times now one path will be marginally easier to follow. Best Wishes young sir.”

I think he was surprised that a stranger would bother to do this because after reading it he said, “Thank you, Gramps.” (Gramps was a nick name he had dreamt up for me, probably designed to annoy, but it simply flattered and amused me).

Three years later that young man stopped off in the chatroom, seeking me out to share his news that he attained a significant Microsoft qualification and that he would be extending it by studying for an advance certificate too, that he was now a director of a company trading as HostChaos, and to say Thank You for giving him a nudge when he needed it. And I was able to tell him that even though there were some forty years between our ages I too was making my own decisions now, accepting total responsibility for the rest of my life, and I too had goals to work towards. And I could have said that I was extremely happy with the service he and his directors were providing for me and my fledgling sites but I was sure that there was an advantage to him knowing me as Gramps and not as customer. So respect to you, young Sir. Respect to your achievements and your ideals. Respect to your willingness to learn. Respect to your uniqueness, and respect to your manners. Keep going now and build a lasting secure future for yourself, your fellow directors, and your future family. And if the time ever comes when someone needs you to pass on those words I pasted to you, don’t hesitate to do it. You’ll find that there is a reward in that too.

Conclusion

This story is true. What is in this story happened. It is a tale of a older man noticing that a young man needed a nudge by way of an illumination into his own being and who, once provided with the information, mustered up the courage to use it to enrich his life and to grow as a human being whilst still maintaining the child within himself. It is also the story of a young man refusing to play host to chaos instead choosing to form a company trading as HostChaos and choosing to accept all the challenges and uncertainties of that venture whilst still young. Also it is the story of giving respect where respect is due and admiring the courageousness in changing.