Posts tagged Assumptions
11 Tips to Start Taking Control of Your Life
Sep 11th
Many of us believe positive thinking is the answer to all of life’s problems and issues. While I completely agree there are times where each of us slip back a little and doubt where we are going and what we are doing to get there. So we can all use a little tip here and there to help keep us on track. I have 10 tips for your consideration should you find yourself slipping over to the dark side.
1. Be grateful:
If you focus on what you are grateful for the stress and challenges of life are not as bad as you may have thought. Take 1 minute out of your day and give thanks for everything good in your life, and while you are at it appreciate life itself.
2. Take excellent care of you:
I mean you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Take care of your body, mind and spirit, eat well, rest well and get enough exercise.
3. Seek to understand before you make any assumptions:
When we think we know what someone else is thinking we are making an assumption. Just because someone walks by you in the hall and does not acknowledge you does not mean it is about you. They may be coming from a funeral, or have just been chewed out. We make everything about us when it just flat out isn’t. Do trust your intuition, but get the facts to make sure.
4. Separate yourself from your negative thoughts:
If you notice that a negative thought is starting to form separate yourself from it. By detaching you can step aside and become an observer. You can witness it but do not need to follow it.
5. Stop using absolutes:
You know the terms, ‘you never help me’, ‘you are always late’. They never ever helped you, not even once, or they were never on time, not even once. Absolutes put people in a box and you label them incapable of changing.
6. Get out more socially:
By getting more involved with other people you will become less lonely. And if you surround yourself with positive, healthy, happy people that energy will rub off and affect you in positively.
7. Separate yourself from your negative thoughts:
If you notice that a negative thought is starting to form separate yourself from it. By detaching you can step aside and become an observer. You can witness it but do not need to follow it.
8. Use pattern interrupts:
If you find yourself in a rut, or things just aren’t going anyware try a pattern interrupt. Get up and get a cup of coffee, go for a walk, clap your hands, tell a joke. Do something unexpected and that will change the energy.
9. Stop the negative internal chatter:
So many times we draw conclusions based on what we think is going on, when in reality something entirely different is happening. My boss frequently has a very serious look on his face, and this leads me to believe it is because of what I have or haven’t done. I have discovered that I am making many wrong interpretations, so I have started being at peace within myself till I hear something different.
10. Become a hug therapist:
We all know the value of touch. Practice giving hugs to everyone and anyone, obviously consider the situation and surroundings. Maybe just put your hand on someone’s shoulder, it may melt any tension away. (Please keep in mind some people will feel that their space has been invaded, so be aware of the other persons feelings, in general this has positive effects, but not everyone is the same).
11. Volunteer and help others:
If you find a cause greater than yourself volunteer to help. Everyone feels better when they have helped someone else. Remember as you sow so shall you reap, by giving you will be receiving, and more often than not you will receive more than you give.
You can do these things anytime. However please keep in mind that in the corporate world there are protocols. Before you do anything too far out be aware of the potential ramifications. There is something to keep in mind however, some years ago we had casual Friday. People came into work not wearing ties. Then that expanded into not needing to wear suits and ties. It took some time, but now many corporations have caught on. Then we started seeing blue jeans being worn on Friday if someone contributes to a charity. Now many people wear jeans on Fridays. So change does happen, sometimes slower than we would like, but it does happen. So go slowly and who knows what kind of trend you will be starting.
Taking a “Processing” Break
Sep 3rd
Processing can become a habit of the mind that drains our energy. It takes us away from the present moment where our creative selves live. Our happiness suffers as well as our peace of mind when we get caught up in the stories (assumptions) that we make up about life, ourselves, and others. When we are processing, we are focussed less on what’s real and more on what is an illusion.
It’s the same for all of us.
As human processors, we often have a favourite road that we take which is usually fueled by anxiety. For instance, after years of exploring personal growth both individually and in groups, I had learned to be an expert at analysis.
It has been a wonderful lesson for me to let go of trying to figure out the dynamics of a relationship or why I am emotionally triggered. When I processed and processed and processed, I realized that I often was in someone else’s business instead of my own. I was ‘over there’, wishing things were different and figuring out why ‘they’ behaved as they did. There was little accountability as I often found excuses for my own behaviour. My mind went in circles, and I was not connected to my heart nor the feelings that showed up physiologically in my body. I used a lot of words and distanced those to whom I really wanted to be close.
When I practice what I have learned about handling a tendency to want to stay in my head and process, there is a significant difference in my relationship with myself and others. The calmness that envelopes me is reflected back to me. I get to see that nothing is really as important as it seems to my mind. In the present moment, I feel a trust that life will take care of itself. I focus on what is right about my life instead of fixing what my mind perceives as wrong. When I accept feelings that come and go, I am tender with myself and, therefore, with others. I deeply know that they are simply feelings to be experienced as a human being on this planet. They are not my identity nor are they the identity of those around me.
When you notice yourself processing, the following are effective ways to support a different choice:
Take a time-out (a silent pause or break). For those of you who have the tendency to want to process out loud, stay with your inner experience. The timing isn’t right for you to use words when you are in the midst of turmoil. Simply be with what’s happening at a body-sensate level. Feelings have a physiological component as well as their own frequency. Even if you can’t label the feeling, simply noticing the intensity of the frequency and where it is present in your body is very beneficial. Welcoming the feeling without judging it as negative or positive opens the door for it to be felt fully – without ‘trying’ to get rid of it. The result is freedom. Practice mindful breathing – following each inhale and exhale of your breath so that you naturally breathe into your belly. Notice your surroundings and get in touch with your senses to keep bringing you back to the present moment. Connecting with nature is particularly helpful. If your thoughts are very active, write them down so that you can see them. Then ask yourself – is this true? Would everyone on this planet agree with me? If not, it is simply an opinion – a story made up by the mind. Write a letter to yourself during a time of being clear and grounded in your wise self. Address your over-and-over tendencies in this letter, adding loving, wise words that touch your heart. Save it in a special place to be read when the processing habit feels painful. This measure of being a true friend to yourself will help quiet your mind. Remind yourself that whatever is happening is perfect. All will unfold. You will know what to do – step by step. Embracing all of your experiences will lead you to a place of stillness. Feelings, thoughts, body sensations – all come and go. It is our core, Infinity itself, that endures, nourishes us, and provides us with the freedom to be who we are…really.
